


The Phenomenon

by whitachi



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Fake Episode, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-27
Updated: 2013-06-27
Packaged: 2017-12-16 07:46:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/859653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whitachi/pseuds/whitachi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There is a new scientific marvel in Night Vale, listeners, and it is no longer available with boysenberry syrup.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Phenomenon

Scientific progress is on the march in Night Vale! Carlos, the scientist -- sweet, tender Carlos, with his hands that are at the same time so delicate and so strong -- has established a new research center in our fair town. It used to be an International House of Pancakes, but now, beneath that once-blue sharp-pointed roof, Carlos is discovering new and wonderful things. He gave me a call the other night and said, Cecil, I need you to come and see me. I have something I have to show you.

And so _maybe_ I was a little later than I should have been because I couldn't decide what to wear but when I did arrive at Carlos' new scientific research facility in what used to be an IHOP, well, listeners, he did have something amazing to show me. Of course, it wasn't something I or anyone else could actually _see_ , but it was definitely, definitely there. Carlos called it 'The Phenomenon.' Isn't that cute? Just a cute little name for it. I thought so. And when I told Carlos I thought it was cute, well that's when things got scientifically interesting.

The Phenomenon cannot be identified, located, or directly sensed in any way even with all of Carlos' very sensitive and very impressive scientific equipment, but it is definitely there, listeners, because it reacts. Carlos told me that he had spent the last few days in his scientific research facility that used to be an IHOP, testing different stimuli to see what the reactions would be. Stimuli? Reactions? This guy knows how to really talk some _science_! I didn't really know what he was specifically talking about, but Carlos is a man who really cares about learning, so he showed me.

Carlos sat me down in one of the booths in his scientific research facility that used to be an IHOP, and then he pulled out a guitar. _I know_! A guitar! He played one chord, one beautiful, perfect, resonant chord like the sound of the second or third highest tier of angelic choirs, and for a moment I thought I might be getting serenaded. But then that was when I experienced the Phenomenon. The minute that chord echoed through the old International House of Pancakes, all of the old syrup and mold smell went away and everything smelled like blood!

But good blood, you know? Like when you skin your knee playing kickball when you're in third grade. Affectionate blood. Healthy blood. _Friendly_ blood! And I can assure you, listeners, there was no blood inside Carlos' scientific research facility, except that which was racing through my veins. But I could see what he meant now, about this Phenomenon, and I said, oh, wow! That's just really.... great!

Maybe that might sound silly to you, listeners, but the Phenomenon liked it plenty. The minute I spoke up, well, all of the lights in the old IHOP turned roller-rink purple and the soft sound of Belinda Carlisle started to emanate from somewhere within the disused pancake griddle. It made for a very nice atmosphere, and Carlos -- he gets so radiant when he's excited, his perfect hair surrounding his infuriatingly beautiful face like a dark halo -- told me he'd never seen the Phenomenon react so strongly to anything. So he told me to keep talking.

Of course, listeners, you well know that talking is what I am professionally trained to do! Just as I am talking to you now! But when I was telling Carlos about the night class I've been taking in Weird Spanish at the community college -- you know, just in case -- suddenly the room smelled just like popcorn and red vine licorice! And I said, Carlos, maybe we should go to the movies together. And _he_ said he didn't know there was a movie theater in Night Vale. And I said there was that old drive-in out near the sand wastes, and sure the projector doesn't work anymore, but if you go out there and park and take a couple of snacks, you pretty often do see some pretty interesting things up on the big screen.

Once I said that, the Phenomenon did the _funniest_ impression of the Glow Cloud! Only instead of dropping animals, it dropped shrimp cocktail! And I don't have to tell you how hard it is to get good shrimp cocktail out here. At least... it was _probably_ shrimp. In any case, it was _delicious_ , and Carlos, ever the gentleman, let me have most of his share. He said he was going to save the rest of his for testing. It's so inspiring, how dedicated he is to his work.

I tell you, that Phenomenon was something else! Just being around it was like getting wrapped in a big, tight, eight-limbed, squeezing hug! Just like Grandma used to give. You remember Grandma, right, listeners? What we used to call that giant squid they kept at the Night Vale Municipal Aquarium, before it was declared fictional by the City Council.

And... well... not to get too personal, but the touch of an unseeable and unknowable extradimensional presence wasn't the _only_ tender embrace I got that night. Oh, but good boys don't kiss and tell! Unless they're telling the Sheriff's Secret Police, who are keeping very important records of any and all eskimo, butterfly, french, soul, and bloodsoul kisses.

So, I won't give away any details, I am a gentleman above all, but I will say... the Phenomenon made some very beautiful fireworks that night, inside of Carlos' scientific research facility that used to be an International House of Pancakes. Beautiful, powerfully incendiary fireworks.

So, citizens of Night Vale, please avoid the site of the former International House of Pancakes until the fires in that side of town have stopped burning. But perhaps as you look up tonight at the moon, shrouded in smoke and shaded bruise red, you might think to yourself... ooh, heaven is a place on earth. And by that logic, so is purgatory, and so is hell, and everything exists together with us in this very spot, now and into the eternal night. Goodnight, listeners. Goodnight.


End file.
